Tangled Times: Unusual News and Views

Judge Folds in $54 Million Pants Bid

What does it say about this country - when a U.S. Administrative Law Judge can sue a dry cleaner for $54 Million?

Damn, we love our pants. 

Did Judge Roy Pearson chase down a sheep, tackle the fuzzy bastard and then, mustering all his judicial power, sheer the animal and weave its hair into a sentimental pair of slacks? 

C'mon, he bought them in the mall, like the rest of us.  Probably from Men's Wearhouse. 

Now, at last, the world's dry-cleaners can breath a sigh of relief.  Pearson has lost his infamous 'pants' case.

According to Yahoo News, Judge Judith Bartnoff declared, "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands."

"Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay clerical court costs of about $1,000 to defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y. Chung. A motion to recover the Chungs' tens of thousands of dollars in attorney fees will be considered later."

In a perfect world, loonies like Judge Pearson (pictured above) would be disbarred and chained to the Washington Monument for a few days... preferably during peak tourist season.  A fitting end to his saga - and a metaphorical tribute to Washington's 'prick of the week.'

Fundamentalism: The Ace of "Base"

Not too many five-syllable words make it on to the 10 o'clock news.  'Fundamentalist' has done that and then some, easily exceeding its alloted 15 minutes of fame.

The book I'm plodding through (Only Yesterday, by Frederick Allen) raises an interesting tidbit:

"Those who believed in the letter of the Bible and refused to accept any teaching, even of science, which seemed to conflict with it, began in 1921 to call themselves Fundamentalists."

Odds are, if you're reading this humble BLOG, you are NOT a fundamentalist.  I'll hazard a second guess that you don't know one personally. 

But why?

The 20th century brought with it massive changes in societal knowledge.  Science produced one revolution after another - enlightening the masses while casting once-thought certainties into complicated shades of gray.

The more a (rational) individual learns and experiences, the tougher it becomes to take a hard-line stance on most issues

In plain English - the more you know, the more you realize your potential for error or misjudgment.

The irony of life is - it's often the unwavering, unquestioning, unbending type who ends up leading.  And you can look at it two ways - positively (gee, she sure has some convictions) or negatively (dang, he's an imbecile). 

Whether you like it or not - fundamentalists always have - and always will rule societal groups.  From the Islamic variety blowing themselves up daily... to refined, polite politicians like George W. Bush.

A leader knows it takes a certain "one-sidedness" to mobilize his base - without which no man or woman can be voted into power.

Could I be wrong?  Perhaps.  But I'd challenge you to find the current leader of one major "world power" willing to admit any of his chief policies are amiss.

Pope Releases 10 Commandments for Drivers

Bless me father, for I have sped.

According to CNN, Pope Benedict and his merry band of Cardinals have released a set of religious guidelines for would-be drivers.

They include such common-sense one-liners as: buckle up...don't drink and drive...and obey traffic regulations.

But then there are a few oddball recommendations, encouraging drivers to pray behind the wheel...pull over to help accident victims...and "not use cars [as] an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin."

These commandments were "intended for bishops' conferences around the world...[offering] recommendations for...pastoral workers."  But the message reached the general public in a flash, stimulating a whole gamut of reactions.

Not to pick on His Holiness... but what's a guy who travels around in a pope-mobile with an ample bodyguard presence have to say about the way we drive?

Cardinal Renato Martino was quoted as saying, "...1.2 million people die each year on the roads...that's a great challenge for society and the church."

That's not a challenge... that's the law of large numbers.  Get enough people zooming around and a certain percentage are gonna get smashed up.  Sad but true.  No way around it.  And for certain, praying of any form won't have an effect on accidents.  Just as praying won't prevent wars, end world hunger or bring sick friends or relatives back to health.

Kappish?  Alright... I'm behind schedule on sinning.  Back to work.

Vid of the Week

Fresh from YouTube, here's the one of the strangest traffic videos you'll ever see. 

Makes me thankful that Las Vegas' Bellagio resort isn't in charge of our local sewer systems...

Or are they?  Watch and find out.

Pizza Flavored Beer - Coming to a Shelf Near You

At last, a groundbreaking achievement has sprung from the streets of Chicago.  Oh, if only they could resurrect the annual World's Fair, I'm sure Tom Seefurth would garner top prize.

Seefurth, a real estate agent has combined two American loves into one palette-puzzling product:  pizza beer!

A dash of tomatoes... a pinch of garlic...and a sprinkle of oregano and basil.  This sure ain't your grand-pappy's brew.

If reading about this makes you all "dough-eyed," better high-tail it to Chicago-land.  According to the Associated Press, "Now, he's going commercial -- on a small scale. Walter Payton's Roundhouse in Aurora will serve the pizza beer as long as the supply lasts."

One can only hope that it will last a long, long time. 

Who knows, maybe Seefurth will get rich, when the Blackstone Group swoops in to buy his brew's infamous recipe for 7-figs.

Ah... there's nothing like the aftertaste of anchovies on a hot summer afternoon.  Drink, up me laddies and remember to tip your chef...err...bartender.

Man Drives Through Emergency Room

Maybe patience is not a virtue.  Rather than hang around and wait for medical attention, a Texas man slammed his vehicle through the doors of Seton Medical Center.  According to KLBJ Radio, no one was hurt in the incident, which occurred on Sunday night.  The driver escaped with scrapes and bruises.  No word on what bright idea prompted him to make this grand entrance.

This begs the question - will hospitals bow to patients' demands for speedy treatment... on wheels, even?  Just think of the business opportunity lost by emergency room sloth. 

You've gotta get those patients in... book 'em, bed 'em and start the up-sell process.  You know... offer the strawberry Jell-o for $9.95... the clear stitches for $239 or maybe a complimentary colonoscopy for every week they manage to survive.

There's a political bend to this that is sure to get you riled up... if you follow these things. 

As an admitted Republican... I get steamed up that folks are abusing an already-frayed system - waddling into these emergency rooms with problems caused through their own negligence or poor judgment.  Meanwhile, a seriously ill lady will die in a plastic chair while some maniac is having a Hotwheels car surgically removed from his ass... or some skateboarding punk who jumped off his Dad's garage is nursing a broken pelvis.  Ladies and gentlemen... it's bad enough - and it's all on our dime!

OK... you're right, public health care is virtually non-existent in the U.S.A. - but our insurance premiums do happen to rise as the mega health industry processes an escalating pile of claims.  It's enough to make you want to get sick and... drive through a hospital lobby.

Banana Bargains...and Best Buy

Well, we've had a few comments on the mystery of the produce aisle.  I am itching to ask my local  manager what's going on.

Back when I was 14-17 years old, I worked at one of these supermarkets in New Jersey.  I never thought to ask my co-workers about the value of bananas...  Truthfully, I was obsessed with pimping out frozen pizzas - with intense flavors that would make Mama Celeste blush.

But I digress...

In the fruit kingdom as in ours, it pays to be thick skinned.  My educated guess is that more bananas survive the global jaunt from Central America, etc. than the more tender-skinned variety of food.

Some people think there's an anti-planet banana conspiracy out there. 

And right here on Tangled Times, one sharp commenter pointed out how markets tempt folks into the produce aisle... and then, "whammo!" they hit you with the $6 blueberry tray.

It's not unlike Best Buy - where people used to buy CDs.  You'd just swing by there and pick up a new release for $10...and go, "hey... those cellphones/laptops/flat-screen TVs are lookin' mighty fine...I think I'll buy one."

Shocked at the Supermarket

It's summertime.  And I'm checking out my local supermarket for some refreshing, healthy fruit...

Walking down the produce aisle... I can almost taste it.  A few crisp grapes or a slice of watermelon... maybe a handful of gleaming red strawberries.

But wait... What's this?  $6 for a bag of seedless red grapes?  $4 for a cross-cut melon?  The prices of fruits and veggies are higher than ever.

Meanwhile Snickers bars are dirt cheap... 2 for a buck. 

Is it any wonder this country is tipping the scales toward obesity? 

How does it look on your end?  Have you experienced "sticker shock" at the supermarket this year?  Share your story by posting a comment below.

A Look Back Through History's Mirror

More than a few times, I've caught myself stereotyping folks from the Middle East.  It's sure easy to do.  Their remote lands and out-dated culture seem to beg for a verbal tongue lashing.

But every once in a while, I stumble upon a bit of history that puts me in my place.

This little nugget is from a book I'm reading, called Only Yesterday (by Frederick Lewis Allen).

The following quotes have to do with how powerful Americans viewed women's rights and emerging styles in the early 1920s:

"The low-cut gowns, the rolled hose and short skirts are born of the Devil and his angels, and are carrying the present and future generations to chaos and destruction."
    - President Murphy, University of Florida

"Legislators in several states introduced bills to reform feminine dress once and for all.  The New York American reported in 1921 that a bill was pending in Utah providing fine and imprisonment for those who wore on the streets 'skirts higher than three inches above the ankle.'

A bill was laid before the Virginia legislature which would forbid any woman from wearing shirtwaists or evening gowns which displayed "more than three inches of her throat."

Pretty crazy, huh?  Though it was quite normal for the day - these yellowed opinions are well out-of-whack with 2007's American society.

And this is all related to the trivial subject of fashion - not to speak of other 'barbarities' of the early 20th century. 

My point?  We should keep an open mind about other cultures.  In the case of the Middle East... some are in the grip of religious zealotry and seem to be 40 years behind the times.  (Kind of like Ohio on steroids.) What we see in Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Iran today may bear no resemblance to their future state.

In the meantime, we have to deal with the threat of terrorism - but must keep in mind, this tactic is a cultural fringe element that hardly represents the layman - nor the collective purpose of any one nation.

Rags to Riches...a Woman Among 'Boys'

In case you missed it... the Belmont Stakes was run yesterday. 

The Belmont is the final race a horse must win to sweep the famed Triple Crown.  (No horse has won all three races - Kentucky Derby - Preakness - Belmont - since Affirmed in 1978.)

When Street Sense, this year's KY Derby winner, lost the Preakness Stakes (May 19th) to a horse named Curlin, the Belmont lost much of its luster.  There would be no Triple Crown drama on the line in the 2007.

Ho Hum.  Horse racing goes largely ignored through the year - and this year's Belmont was about to be swept into the dustbin of history.

But then there was a glimmer of hope.  Rags to Riches, a filly, was entered in the 1-1/2 mile classic.  She would face not only the Belmont's humbling distance - but the best 3-year-old males in training.

The brute force of the Preakness winner, Curlin, was against her - as well as this heavy statistic:  The last time a filly won the Belmont, Theodore Roosevelt was President... Howard Hughes was not yet born.

I won't waste my time or yours attempting to describe yesterday's race.  You can Google it and find countless raves online.

If you missed the Belmont - you missed a moving display of heart and perseverance - a sporting act of rarefied significance. 

Even if you don't know what end of a horse eats... you can appreciate this!