Tangled Times: Unusual News and Views

President Putin Targets North Pole, Evicts Santa Clause

Look out kids, Santa Clause is about to be homeless.

If President Vladimir Putin has his way, Russia will take over operations at the north poll.  Their fearless leader has set his sights on the region's diamond deposits and vast stores of oil.

According to England's Daily Mail, "[Putin's] scientists claim an underwater ridge near the North Pole is really part of Russia's continental shelf."  The triangle shaped region in question is "five times the size of Britain with twice as much oil as Saudi Arabia."

This is like claiming ownership of a neighbor's home, because roads, pipes or wires connect it to your own place.   

But when you're the ruler of a corrupt, wealthy nation with an imperialistic itch... right and wrong - my place or yours becomes...well... a pleasant shade of gray.  (And this happy guy - pictured above - surely isn't the only world leader who fits that bill.)

A glance at Putin will tell you the man's serious... Heck, when he's happy, he looks like a kid who just watched his mother get run over by a garbage truck.  Wonder if he'd ever try out for the World Series of Poker?

Vid of the Week: Amtrak's 'Extreme Commuter' Line, Revealed

Amtrak fares are skyrocketing!  I figure, they must be doing some killer research & development.

Want a sneak peek behind the scenes of the Extreme Commuter Line?  Check this out:

China's War on Bald Taxi Drivers

From Beijing comes word that China is sprucing up its appearance, in advance of the 2008 Olympic Games.

And where did their image-bolstering begin?

Cabbies!

Taxi drivers have it rough enough.  Imagine being stuck in a hideous, yellow car all day, listening to strangers chortle about the same stupid topics - all the while wondering if one of them intends to burgle. 

Chinese cabbies just got another dose of venom from their government.  According to AFP, "shaved heads [will] be banned from the driving seat." 

That's right... no hair, no fare. 

And this is on top of Beijing's already-punitive laws against bearded drivers or women cabbies with "too-fancy" hairstyles. 

More from AFP: "Beijing's 70,000 taxi drivers work long hours for low pay and often sleep and eat in their vehicles, leading to complaints about dirty and smelly cabs."

Leave it to the Communist quacks in charge to side-step that issue. 

Perhaps the Olympic committee should take a trip to New York - where acceptance of individuals differs by 180 degrees.  Here's a city that was attacked by extremist Muslims less than 6 years ago - and half the cabbies are still wearing turbans.   

Wonder if that would fly in the Far-East?

German Taxman Robs Pols With Fake 'Peters'

You've heard of folks cheating on their taxes - but how about a taxman cheating on his citizens?

According to Reuters, "a German official, who stole more than $230,000 from the state by inventing taxpayers and claiming money owed to them," will be jailed for three years and three months.

Since 2003, the unidentified bureaucrat siphoned money off three 'imaginary friends.'  But wait... it gets even better.

He stashed the bulk of the illicit funds into multiple bank accounts, "including ones held by his wife and mother-in-law."

As they weren't implicated - it would seem that he kept the whole mess a secret from them.  How's that for a set of steel cojones?

Let's look on the bright side - where he's headed, he'll surely need them.

Judge Folds in $54 Million Pants Bid

What does it say about this country - when a U.S. Administrative Law Judge can sue a dry cleaner for $54 Million?

Damn, we love our pants. 

Did Judge Roy Pearson chase down a sheep, tackle the fuzzy bastard and then, mustering all his judicial power, sheer the animal and weave its hair into a sentimental pair of slacks? 

C'mon, he bought them in the mall, like the rest of us.  Probably from Men's Wearhouse. 

Now, at last, the world's dry-cleaners can breath a sigh of relief.  Pearson has lost his infamous 'pants' case.

According to Yahoo News, Judge Judith Bartnoff declared, "A reasonable consumer would not interpret 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' to mean that a merchant is required to satisfy a customer's unreasonable demands."

"Bartnoff ordered Pearson to pay clerical court costs of about $1,000 to defendants Soo Chung, Jin Nam Chung and Ki Y. Chung. A motion to recover the Chungs' tens of thousands of dollars in attorney fees will be considered later."

In a perfect world, loonies like Judge Pearson (pictured above) would be disbarred and chained to the Washington Monument for a few days... preferably during peak tourist season.  A fitting end to his saga - and a metaphorical tribute to Washington's 'prick of the week.'

Fundamentalism: The Ace of "Base"

Not too many five-syllable words make it on to the 10 o'clock news.  'Fundamentalist' has done that and then some, easily exceeding its alloted 15 minutes of fame.

The book I'm plodding through (Only Yesterday, by Frederick Allen) raises an interesting tidbit:

"Those who believed in the letter of the Bible and refused to accept any teaching, even of science, which seemed to conflict with it, began in 1921 to call themselves Fundamentalists."

Odds are, if you're reading this humble BLOG, you are NOT a fundamentalist.  I'll hazard a second guess that you don't know one personally. 

But why?

The 20th century brought with it massive changes in societal knowledge.  Science produced one revolution after another - enlightening the masses while casting once-thought certainties into complicated shades of gray.

The more a (rational) individual learns and experiences, the tougher it becomes to take a hard-line stance on most issues

In plain English - the more you know, the more you realize your potential for error or misjudgment.

The irony of life is - it's often the unwavering, unquestioning, unbending type who ends up leading.  And you can look at it two ways - positively (gee, she sure has some convictions) or negatively (dang, he's an imbecile). 

Whether you like it or not - fundamentalists always have - and always will rule societal groups.  From the Islamic variety blowing themselves up daily... to refined, polite politicians like George W. Bush.

A leader knows it takes a certain "one-sidedness" to mobilize his base - without which no man or woman can be voted into power.

Could I be wrong?  Perhaps.  But I'd challenge you to find the current leader of one major "world power" willing to admit any of his chief policies are amiss.

Pope Releases 10 Commandments for Drivers

Bless me father, for I have sped.

According to CNN, Pope Benedict and his merry band of Cardinals have released a set of religious guidelines for would-be drivers.

They include such common-sense one-liners as: buckle up...don't drink and drive...and obey traffic regulations.

But then there are a few oddball recommendations, encouraging drivers to pray behind the wheel...pull over to help accident victims...and "not use cars [as] an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin."

These commandments were "intended for bishops' conferences around the world...[offering] recommendations for...pastoral workers."  But the message reached the general public in a flash, stimulating a whole gamut of reactions.

Not to pick on His Holiness... but what's a guy who travels around in a pope-mobile with an ample bodyguard presence have to say about the way we drive?

Cardinal Renato Martino was quoted as saying, "...1.2 million people die each year on the roads...that's a great challenge for society and the church."

That's not a challenge... that's the law of large numbers.  Get enough people zooming around and a certain percentage are gonna get smashed up.  Sad but true.  No way around it.  And for certain, praying of any form won't have an effect on accidents.  Just as praying won't prevent wars, end world hunger or bring sick friends or relatives back to health.

Kappish?  Alright... I'm behind schedule on sinning.  Back to work.

Vid of the Week

Fresh from YouTube, here's the one of the strangest traffic videos you'll ever see. 

Makes me thankful that Las Vegas' Bellagio resort isn't in charge of our local sewer systems...

Or are they?  Watch and find out.

Pizza Flavored Beer - Coming to a Shelf Near You

At last, a groundbreaking achievement has sprung from the streets of Chicago.  Oh, if only they could resurrect the annual World's Fair, I'm sure Tom Seefurth would garner top prize.

Seefurth, a real estate agent has combined two American loves into one palette-puzzling product:  pizza beer!

A dash of tomatoes... a pinch of garlic...and a sprinkle of oregano and basil.  This sure ain't your grand-pappy's brew.

If reading about this makes you all "dough-eyed," better high-tail it to Chicago-land.  According to the Associated Press, "Now, he's going commercial -- on a small scale. Walter Payton's Roundhouse in Aurora will serve the pizza beer as long as the supply lasts."

One can only hope that it will last a long, long time. 

Who knows, maybe Seefurth will get rich, when the Blackstone Group swoops in to buy his brew's infamous recipe for 7-figs.

Ah... there's nothing like the aftertaste of anchovies on a hot summer afternoon.  Drink, up me laddies and remember to tip your chef...err...bartender.

Man Drives Through Emergency Room

Maybe patience is not a virtue.  Rather than hang around and wait for medical attention, a Texas man slammed his vehicle through the doors of Seton Medical Center.  According to KLBJ Radio, no one was hurt in the incident, which occurred on Sunday night.  The driver escaped with scrapes and bruises.  No word on what bright idea prompted him to make this grand entrance.

This begs the question - will hospitals bow to patients' demands for speedy treatment... on wheels, even?  Just think of the business opportunity lost by emergency room sloth. 

You've gotta get those patients in... book 'em, bed 'em and start the up-sell process.  You know... offer the strawberry Jell-o for $9.95... the clear stitches for $239 or maybe a complimentary colonoscopy for every week they manage to survive.

There's a political bend to this that is sure to get you riled up... if you follow these things. 

As an admitted Republican... I get steamed up that folks are abusing an already-frayed system - waddling into these emergency rooms with problems caused through their own negligence or poor judgment.  Meanwhile, a seriously ill lady will die in a plastic chair while some maniac is having a Hotwheels car surgically removed from his ass... or some skateboarding punk who jumped off his Dad's garage is nursing a broken pelvis.  Ladies and gentlemen... it's bad enough - and it's all on our dime!

OK... you're right, public health care is virtually non-existent in the U.S.A. - but our insurance premiums do happen to rise as the mega health industry processes an escalating pile of claims.  It's enough to make you want to get sick and... drive through a hospital lobby.